


If this is what you need

by Signe_chan



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Communication, Dom Phil Coulson, Dom/sub Play, M/M, Spanking, Sub Clint Barton
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-30
Updated: 2014-03-30
Packaged: 2018-01-17 14:31:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1391218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Signe_chan/pseuds/Signe_chan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Phil lets the Avengers know he's alive Clint turns up on the bus needing something only Phil can give him. </p><p>Features a scene of consensual spanking and a lot of talking through issues.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If this is what you need

Phil hadn’t expected to walk into his office on the bus and find Clint sat there in front of his desk like a naughty schoolboy waiting for the headmaster. It truth, he hadn’t expected to see Clint for quite a while after the truth about his death had been broken to the Avengers earlier that day in Nick’s office. True, Clint had been the quietest when accusations were flying but he’d thought that’d just meant Cling was upset. 

He had not, after all, been able to justify how he’d acted so Clint was probably right in being upset. Phil was only just starting to realise what a number the whole being dead thing had done on him. At the time going along with Fury when he’d said it was better they not know was something he’d agreed to without much thought. Somewhere in the back of his mind he’d wondered what about Clint but it’d been over a year since Clint had last needed him and, well, Clint wasn’t the kind of let things go. He worried them and Phil hadn’t been ready to admit it but he’d known even then that something about his resurrection story wasn’t right. He hadn’t been able to face that then but he could now and he’d finally grown the spine to insist to Fury that the Avengers be told. Better now then the next time the Earth was in imminent danger, after all. 

Still, he hadn’t expected to see any of them after today’s show. Least of all Clint. Least of all this version of Clint, the face Phil knew damn well he showed to only a select few people. Phil hadn’t presumed himself in that group any more. 

Clint didn't look up from the hole he was glaring into the floor, not even when Phil moved across the room ti sit at his desk. Clint was showing all the hints Phil hadn’t seen in him in so long. The little signs of stress. The nervous biting of the lip. The fingers picking at the edge of the seat in a way they’d cause it to fray if left for too long. Phil had lost a lot of chairs to Clint’s picking before the other man had finally admitted what he needed when he turned up like this. 

“I’ll take it you haven’t come here to punch me,” Phil said, careful to keep his voice casual. 

“Not this time, sir,” Clint replied. The strain was evident in his voice and Phil wanted to just grab him and give him what he needed but he knew this wouldn’t work if they didn’t talk first. “You damn well know that’s not what I’ve come to you for.” 

“I do,” Phil agreed. “I’d just thought that you didn’t need this any more. Or you’d found someone else to do it for you.” 

“There’s never been anyone else,” Clint said, a defensive tone to his voice. “I...for a long time I thought I didn’t need it any more either but having a god in my brain kind of messed me up.” 

“How long have you needed this?” Phil asked, frowning. As though the answer wasn’t clear in every line of Clint’s body. “Why didn’t you go to someone else? I just said no more strangers, anyone you trust is fine.” 

“I tried,” Clint said with an uncomfortable blush. “I asked Nat and she tried to take care of me but it wasn’t the same. My brain’s all messed up now, sir. It only wants you.” 

If Phil had know, if he’d had even the faintest idea this was happening he’d have insisted Clint be told and to hell with the consequences. There’d be time for that later, though. For now he had Clint to take care of. 

“On your knees.” 

Clint’s knees hit the carpet in a second and the look on his face was so sickeningly grateful it made Phi’s stomach turn. It felt oddly like the first time they’d done this all over again. Both still wary of each other. Both not sure they could actually do this and it’d actually help. Only now the reasons for that was on him. He’d lied and Clint had still come to him for this anyway. He stood and went to the door, locking it and setting the computer system to not disturb him unless there was an emergency. The room was sound proofed at least so he didn’t have to worry about his team overhearing. Finally he moved to sit in the chair Clint had just left. He gently stroked the other man’s hair, letting himself relax into the roll for the first time in what seemed like forever. 

“Tell me.” 

“I left my station when on duty. I shot Fury. I helped a mad god open a portal to another world and let his army though. All Loki’s kills are on me, including you. I tried to kill Nat. I lied to psyche to get back on active duty. I’ve lied to team mates about me status. I’ve got drunk in bars and picked fights. I’ve had unsafe casual sex. I really messed up a mission in Tehran because I missed a shot. I think that’s everything for now.” 

Phil nodded. He knew there was no point right now in telling Clint that wasn’t his fault. Clint knew that Loki was the only one responsible for what Clint had done under his control. Just like Clint knew it was impossible to make every shot and that nobody expected that from him. The self-harm was a little more troubling but they’d talk about that later. this had never been about what Clint logically knew he was responsible for but what he felt he was responsible for. 

“Alright,” he said, and Clint tensed. “Take of your pants.” 

Clint climbed to his feet, still not making eyes contact, and let his pants drop. He wasn’t wearing any underwear which Phil knew meant Clint was trying to control the level of punishment he received. He wanted Phil to hit his bare buttocks where it was hurt worst. For a second Phil thought about making Clint put some of his underwear on just to show him that he didn’t always get his way in this. They’d talked about that. Clint tended to pick punishments for himself that were much too harsh. That was why Phil got to pick how he was punished. Still, if Phil was punishing Clint for everything he’d listed, bare ass was probably right. 

He made a gesture and Clint moved quickly to lie over Phil’s lap, ass presented to Phil’s hand. They’d tried other positions and implements when they’d started this but both of them liked the intimacy of doing it this way. Phil didn’t make Clint wait for the first slap, laying it on his left buttock and getting a little yelp of shock. He followed it up quickly with two to his right and Clint held his cries this time. It didn’t take Phil long to settle back into his old rhythm, landing most swats on the buttocks but a few on the upper thigh that made Clint shudder. It didn’t take long for the flesh to turn red and for Clint’s breath to go heavy as he held back tears. Phil carried on. he knew the point of all this was to let Clint go to a place where those tears could fall. Where he could let himself be held and forgiven without any self-destructive thoughts getting in the way. 

A few fat tears leaked from Clint’s eyes but Phil kept going until finally Clint let go, a full bodies sob tearing out of him followed by a torrent of tears and Phil stopped, turning them quickly and sinking to the floor. Clint went readily into the shelter of Phil’s arms, curling up on his side so his red ass didn’t touch the floor and clinging to Phil as though he was drowning and Phil was a line to safety. 

for Phil, this had always been the intoxicating part. the part that meant he never said no when Clint came to his door. There was something innocent about Clint in these moments. Something so fragile and trusting that Phil just wanted to bring him in close and shelter him. Just wanted to love him. He knew it was selfish and it was good that Clint hadn’t needed this but he’d missed it. 

“It’s alright now,” he murmured, stroking Clint’s hair. “I forgive you.” 

“I killed you,” Clint sobbed, his hands tightening on Phi’s shirt. 

“I’m right here,” Phil assured him, running his hands up and down Clint’s back and urging him closer so he could feel just how not dead Phil was. Clint didn’t seem particularly comforted by that. 

“He made me feel,” Clint whispered into Phil’s collar. “He could make me feel what he did, he made me feel your death. I...I pushed the scepter in. I felt your body break.” 

“I didn’t know,” Phil said, drawing Clint closer. He’d been a selfish fool. He should have never let Clint believe he was dead. He couldn’t imagine how it must feel to be been carrying this around for so long. 

“I forgive you,” was all Phil could think to say. “I’m here now and I forgive you.” 

Eventually Clint calmed down as he always did. His sobs became less frequent, his breathing steadier, his hands less tight in Phil’s shirt. Phil kept up the steady stream of reassurance until Clint finally pulled away, sitting up with a wince and wiping at his blotchy face. 

“Want me to get the cream? Phil asked, watching Clint’s expression. Clint seemed mostly embarrassed which wasn’t unusual after their sessions. 

“You still have some?” Clint asked, risking a glance at Phil. “Always ready for anything.” 

“You know me,” Phil said with a shrug, pushing himself of the floor and heading to his private bathroom to retrieve the numbing cream. When he came back Clint had gathered himself to little and reached to take the cream. Phil batted his hand away. One of the conditions of this little ritual was that Phil got to take care of Clint after. Clint blushed but then stood to give Phil access to his ass. It wasn’t quite as bad as Phil had feared but still, in truth, a little more than Phil was comfortable with. He took his time rubbing the cream in, glad he could ease pain for Clint as well as cause it. 

“You gonna send me back to psyche?” Clint asked. 

“I think that’s for the best,” Phil said, putting the cap back on the tube. “Let me get you a cushion and a drink and then we can talk.” 

“You were always the best at the afterwards stuff,” Clint said, accepting the cushion and sitting down. “Nat tried but she wasn’t really cut out for this.” 

“I bet she wasn’t,” Phil said with a smile as he retrieved a bottle of water. Natasha couldn't be accused of being a tender woman after all. He wondered if that’s what he was, tender. In these moments, certainly. Maybe more and more in his everyday life. He couldn’t imagine he’s had taken the time to build the relationship he had with Skye now a few years ago. Maybe it was time to change some other things too. 

“So,” he said, watching Clint sip his water. “Want to tell me why you think this didn’t work with anyone else?” Clint flushed and Phil found himself smiling. Clearly Clint hadn’t expected him to start their conversation there. He lent back against the desk, arms at his side and waited. 

“It wasn’t just that,” Clint admitted after taking a second to gather his thoughts. “You know that before you I got this by going to bars and giving myself to anyone who’d have me?” 

“I habit I don’t endorse,” Phil said. Stopping Clint doing that when it obviously hadn’t really been helping had been one of the many motivating factors in making their relationship more permanent. Clint didn’t always make great choices when it came to his own personal safety. 

“Well, my point is that I never had anyone who stuck around and did that for me on any kind of regular basis before. It’s like, after a while, I got used to your rules and doing things your way and I stopped doing things you didn’t like becasue I knew they upset you and I wanted to be good for you. And I could let things go easier becasue I knew you didn’t see them as an issue. Then suddenly you were gone and a part of my was so guilty that I killed you and another part was just so angry at you for leaving me. And then they made me feel more guilty as it wasn’t even your fault.” 

“I am sorry,” Phil said, leaning forward to lay a hand on Clint’s arm. “I...I made some selfish decisions. I should have come back to you sooner.” 

“I’ll forgive you lying if you forgive me killing you.” 

“I don’t need to forgive you for that as it was never your fault but if you need my forgiveness then you have it.” 

“Then we’re alright,” Clint said, reaching up to lay a hand over Phil’s. “Honestly, I’m just so glad to have you back I don’t care.” 

“I’m glad to have you back too,” Phil said, squeezing Clint’s shoulder. “Though I’m still sending you back to psych.” 

“I guess that’s fair,” Clint grumbled. “I just don’t do well when I’m not active. If they take me off active duty I’ll go mad.” 

“I have an idea about that, actually,” Phil said. He couldn’t help but worry if his idea was a little bit dangerous but it was still worth mentioning. He just wasn’t sure what he was going to feel if Clint said no. “How would you feel about transferring to my team? I think I could swing it with psyche on the basis that you wouldn’t be working alone.” 

“Are you serious?” Clint asked, beaming up at him. “That would be awesome.” 

“I’m glad you think so,” Phil said, relaxing. “I think we need to rebuild some trust together.” 

“Actually,” Clint said, flushing. “I want to talk to you about that. It’s just, well, if we’re going to work on our relationship then my ideal isn’t to rebuild what we had. I think you’ll have noticed by now that I’m kind of in love with you. I mean, if you’re interested…” 

Clint let it hang there and Phil took a second to think. It’s not that he’d never considered it before but he didn’t date people he worked with and Clint wasn’t easy. But he kept hearing Clint saying how much he wanted to please Phil and maybe Phil was kinkier than he’d thought he was becasue there was a certain appeal to that. Maybe it was time to try something different. 

“Are you going to be good for me?” he found himself asked, and he must have said something right as Clint was looking up at him with adoration on his eyes. 

“So good, sir.” 

“You should probably call me Phil,” Phil said, stroking his hand through Clint’s hair. “It would be nice to reward you as well as punish you.” 

“Are you sure about this?” Clint asked, turning his face into Phil’s hand and kissing his palm. 

“No,” Phil admitted. “But I’d like you try anyway. Will you try with me, Clint?” 

“Always,” Clint said with a smile and Phil rewarded him with a kiss. 

The end


End file.
